Lullaby in the Dark
by jazbabe621
Summary: Takes place when Edward leaves Bella during New Moon. He is crushed by the visions Alice has been sending him. After a while he can't take it anymore and goes back to Forks, to watch over Bella. He is determined to never let Bella see him. Will he succeed
1. I Know You Love Me

Lullaby in the Dark.

**this is a story i just randomly decided to write. It takes place when Edward leaves Bella in New Moon. But what happens when he can't stay away? He needs to be there to protect Bella, but he is determined not to let her find out that hes there. Will Edward be able to survive the torture?**

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything! (obviously lol)

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EPOV

It's been exactly five hours, twenty minutes, and four seconds since I left my precious Bella. I could still see her tattered expression, it was forever engraved into my memory. The way her words rang into my ears... it killed me to think she actually believed me.

Her eyes that I could stare into forever, that told a story like no other, fell the second I told her that ugly lie. The glistening brown-orbs turned dull and flat at the words I had said.

"You don't want me?" I remember her saying flatly

"No." the word still stung on my tongue. I told her how I needed her to forget about me... about my family. I remember how she pleaded for me to stay, for me to take her away and love her, _forever_. That was her request... but I couldn't do it. I refused to damn my angel to an eternity of darkness. To take her away from Charlie, from Renee. _No it wasn't right._

Alice has tried to stop me twice already. She called my cell phone, telling me about the vision she just had about My Bella.

**_The woods were dark now. I looked carefully to see a figure crumpled near a __log. I heard her sobbing, the angel that I had-- still do-- love with all of my heart, her body shook violently. Her convulsions matched the wetness that fell down her face. Her hair matted and tangled with evidence of the musty forest_**

_**"EDWARD!" I heard the angel scream my name. I winced with the amount of pain behind it. "NO! I know you love me... please, Edward... don't leave me." **_

I stopped my connection with Alice at that point. My dead heart could not take it anymore. My running had slowed now, for the first time in hours. I broke into tear-less sobs. But I felt at that moment, I would have done anything to feel the salty tears fall from my onyx eyes and down my stone hard cheeks. I wanted to cry for my Bella. Cry for her like she was crying for me, screaming for me... How in the world would I ever survive without the light of my life. The person who showed me that I was not only a monster, but someone capable of _love_. The one thing I never thought possible. But now... it was all ruined.

"I am truly a monster... dear god, Bella. What have I done?" I huffed to myself, picking up speed again, leaving my one true love behind, but with the way I feel now, I won't be gone long...

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**Thank you for reading. Please tell me if it sucks and I won't continue, but review please. First fan-fic! Any help is appreciated **


	2. Keep Yourself Safe

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 2.

**I figured since my first one was so short and I didn't even realize it, I would give a second chapter just to give people a better idea of whats going on in the story.**

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

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EPOV

It was beginning to get light through the woods of, well whatever state I was in. I was not sure of where I was headed and wouldn't be sure for a long time. At this quiet moment, all I was really sure of was that I missed Bella... and even though I knew to my core that it was all my fault, I still could not help but miss her.

The dew of the morning came and went as I ran. Always reminding myself how thankful I was that vampires did not tire like humans. For I knew that as soon as I became to "tired" to go on, my feet would drag me back to _her_. Every time I had erased her broken face from my memory, it came back, laughing at my weakness. It taunted me, repeating the words Bella had in Alice's vision. My ears still rang with her pleading, begging... I remember asking her as a last resort...

"Promise me something..." I asked her quietly

"Anything." She said almost too quickly, her eyes shining for a brief moment.

"Don't do anything reckless, keep yourself safe... for Charlie, he needs you." I wanted to say anything but that. I wanted to tell her that I was lying and that I really did not want to tell her this. That my whole scheme was planned just so I could feel that she was safe from me. Free from the harm that crossed her path everyday of her life. I wanted her to grow old with someone she loved...

I shivered at that point, painted from the picture I had created in my head. It was of _my _Bella, standing next to the vile Mike Newton. His arm was wrapped around her waste ever so tightly. She seemed to smile, but it never touched her eyes. They did not sparkle the way I had seen them before, I could see she was trying though. Her life had been taken over by her "love" for Mike. I studied behind her in the picture my imagination had created, two little children, both with blond hair and deep chocolate eyes, played loudly in the background.

The Bella of my imagination tried to ignore them for a moment before turning around and hushing her children. Once she turned back around, she smiled softly towards Mike as he turned and kissed her fully on her lips...

That was enough for me, my anger swarmed through me. I hadn't realized I had stopped running until I felt the rough bark of a tree trunk in my hands. Still angry, I tossed it away from me, covering almost a football field in length before I heard a crash and the tumbling of the other pine trees nearby it. I paced back and forth in the quiet of the forest, my hand reaching up and grabbing my bronze hair, wishing to inflict some kind of pain... Any kind of pain would do, no... it would not cover up for the horrible things I had done to the one person I cared about the most, Judging by the pained look in her eyes, it would never be enough.

Still I tugged, pulled, hoping and wishing, that I could feel pain... being the disgusting monster that I am though, no pain was felt. The only pain I was feeling though was the ringing in my ears, they dearly missed the sound of Bella's heart beating profusely anytime I was near. They missed the was she gasped when she caught sight of me staring at her...

My nose missed her intoxicating scent. That although it tortured me, I realized I could not live without...

"Dammit, Edward! No, stop thinking like that!" I screamed at myself in the quiet woods, my roar startling the few birds that had gathered in the trees. "You can live without her... You **will** live without her... Stop being weak!" The little voice inside my head taunted me blissfully, finding joy from my suffering. I knew within my heart I was not weak, if I was that would have been evident from the first time Bella's fressia scent crossed my super-sensitive nose...

Bella had made me weak though. Little did she realize, she had me wrapped around her tiny, warm finger. Anything that my Bella wanted I would give to her, gladly. Well except for one thing. She wanted immortality, a chance to spend all of eternal damnation with me. I could not give that to her. My mind was set in place on that fact. I would never see my sweet Bella, cold and pale. I would never see her thriving and thrashing in the pain of the vicious venom it would take to have her forever. No, I would live my existence alongside Bella, as she grew old and hopefully found someone she loved more than I, more than a masochistic monster.

The one who should be haunting her nightmares, not creating her fantasies. The one that should save her from the evil dragon that taunts her, not damn her to the darkness... I would not be responsible for damning my angel, pulling off her wings, in exchange for the blood lust she would feel. I never wanted to be alive to see that happen...

I found myself snapped out of my day-dream, sitting down in a branch of one of the tallest trees I could find... The sun had moved higher in the sky, signaling it was noon wherever I had landed. My mind had been quieted, no ignorant thoughts of others had crowded it for hours now, leaving me to think, to wallow in my pain for just a little while longer... I spoke to soon though, as soon as I finished that thought I felt the familiar sensation of someone's thoughts run through my mind...

"_Edward, it's terrible... they found Bella, finally..." _Alice spoke to me through her mind, she was following me, that much I could tell. Her thoughts were clear as day, she must be close.

"Go away Alice," I whispered, knowing very well she could hear me.

"_NO! Edward, you have to see this, what you did to Be--"_

"I don't want to hear this Alice, Bella will be better without me... LEAVE!" I growled at the pixie now. After a minute, I thought she listened to me, no more intrusive messages invaded my mind. That is, until Alice sent me her vision...

**The crumpled figure I had seen before laid perfectly still by the log, only a about twenty feet from where I had left her. It was pouring now, the water trickling down through the leaves of the tall trees in the back of Charlie's house. Bella's hair was still matted, but now it was soaked through, allowing it to stick willingly to her paled face. **

**"Edward... I knew you wouldn't leave me!" She whispered in her sleep. A faint smile played on her lips before it disappeared and she woke up to someone calling her name.**

**"BELLA!" several voices screamed for her, one figure making its way over to her. "Oh, Bella, it's alright, your safe..." the tall figure picked her up and cradled her, looking at her face before turning to run... That's when Bella's face turned to look back and I saw the true horror behind her appearance. **

**"NO! Don't take me away, Edward's coming back... I know he is!" she sobbed and wiggled ****in the persons arms.** The vision ended.

The true pain of Bella's very pale face was more evident that I would have liked to see. When she turned back, my heart burned with invisible tears for my love...

**"**_Edward... what have you done to her?" _Alice questioned in her mind, horrified by the vision she saw.

"I don't know, Alice... I honestly don't know..."

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**Okay well, that's another chapter! And I think it's a lot longer than the first one. And again, I am very sorry if it truly does suck. I kinda sorta know where its going, but if anyone has any ideas on what they would like to happen, please, feel free to let me know and i'll see what I can do thanks again for reading! Review please, and tell me what I can improve on!**


	3. Suicide is Murder

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 3

**Just wanted to thank everyone again for all the alerts and reviews I have gotten **

**it really does mean a lot to me! Again, anyone with any ideas for upcoming chapters and what you would like to see happen, feel free to send me a message and/or review! Thanks!**

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

**(A/N: this chapter is from Alice's point of view about a day or so before the first two chapters take place, Edward has just made his decision to leave. )**

**So yeah...on with the story! (enjoy)**

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APOV

The visions I usually had came slow, and one at a time. Things changing ever so often, but others are mostly constant. But at this moment, they were _very _different. Right now, my visions came at me fast, sometimes over-lapping, where I did not get a chance to finish the one that started. The future changed frequently from Edward's choice to Bella's, it was all very confusing...

Edward had told the family what he was planning on doing only a day ago, he did not say much though. The only things he really told us were that Bella and his relationship would not work out and that it was better if he ended it now. He used the whole broken bone, "clean-break" analogy. I remember Esme's face perfectly, I swear I saw her heart sink in her chest.

She knew how happy Bella had made her son. She knew that no matter how many girls came into Edward's life, none of them, no matter how radiant, could ever replaced the love Bella gave to him... It broke her heart to hear that he was returning to a life alone, she never wanted to see him that unhappy ever again.

Of course, we all believed him at first, I had seen no vision that proved that my dearest brother was lying to the family. He told us that Bella no longer felt safe in our presence and that it was time to pack up and leave our lives here in Forks. He said he was happy that she finally had a rational response, he even chuckled for a moment... It was not until later that my husband told me that Edward felt otherwise.

"Alice, we can't let him do this... we can't let Edward leave Bella. He doesn't want to Alice. He's doing it for all the wrong reasons. We have to stop him!" Jasper told me in confidence. He now stood in front of our light wood bed, pacing back and forth. His pale forehead creased with desperation.

"What are you talking about, Jazz? It's Edward's decision, he seems alright with it, we have to help him and stick by him... No matter what that decision is. Now, you need to relax," I spoke quickly and quietly to him as I pulled him swiftly down onto the bed next to me. I was beyond worried that Edward would hear us speaking about him or thinking about him for that matter.

"Alice, you didn't feel his emotions... They were- I can't even begin to describe them. It was agonizing to sit there and just _feel_. I knew I couldn't say anything because I didn't want to blow his cover... But we can't let him do this to her! Or to himself for that matter..." Jasper vented to me his hands fidgeting on his lap. I only heard the first thing he said clearly, then everything kind of faded into black as a vision rocked through me. I snapped back in time to here his last word. He was obviously oblivious during his rant that I had been dry sobbing after the vision I had just seen. "Oh god, Alice... sweetie. _Shh... Shh..._ it's alright"

"O-oh god... it w-was h-h-horrible!" I cried to him, my unnecessary breathes coming in gasps as I spoke. I felt the pressure of his hand rubbing small, soothing circles on my back.

"Alice, darling... look at me." I did as he said, his ocher eyes burning into mine, he obviously saw my hesitation. "You saw something didn't you?" He took my face in between his large hands, his thumbs stroking my porcelain cheeks. I felt myself nod as I recalled the horrible vision. I felt my eyes grow darker at the thought of what I had seen. The sobs still shook through my body. I couldn't seem to gain control on my "breathing." I was never like this before in my life. The calm, cool, collected one was now in shambles, in the arms of the person she loved.

I tried taking deep, slow breaths as I clung indefinitely to Jaspers loose blue shirt. Ducking my head under his chin, I heard him trying to soothe me. His pale hands wrapped gently into my short, black hair, petting it back into its rightful place. Almost immediately, I felt the grace of Jasper's gift touch me. My sobs now soothed by the eerie calm that coursed through me.

"Jasper... we can't let this happen" I confirmed the words he told me just a few minutes before. He watched me carefully through sad eyes. Now that I was breathing normally and my tiny frame had stopped convulsing, I could think clearly.

"... What did you see?" He asked me suddenly. I looked sheepishly back up into at him, almost afraid to tell him what I had seen. I felt that maybe if I didn't say it, it wouldn't come true, at least that is what I was really, truly hoping for. "Alice?" Jasper's voice talked to me again, pulling me out of my hopes.

"... _I don't want it to come true, Jazz. I don't think __**he'll**__ survive if it comes true."_ I whispered softly to him, trying to keep calm. "I-- we, can't let this happen, Jasper. I want my brother to survive this."

"What are you talking about, Alice? Your being so.. cryptic. I can't stand it. If you want me to help, hon, you really have to talk to me" I knew he was right after I heard the words leave his small mouth.

"She doesn't survive..." I stated, being stubborn.

"Who Alice?"

"Bella – Jasper, she kills herself."

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**Yay cliffy! kinda sorta, I guess (lol) **

**I hope you liked this chapter... I see that a lot of people are reading, but not reviewing. Although I definitely do appreciate everyone reading. I also appreciate some type of review. Any type of help will work, and it would definitely be appreciated. Good or bad. Just review please! **

**Thanks for reading! **


	4. Let Me Speak

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 4

**Well this is chapter 4... and I only have two reviews? I understand that everyone is busy, trust me, I'm one of them... but please if you could take two seconds out of your day, if you read please review. I truly appreciate the help, good or bad. Any review is greatly appreciated. Thank you enjoy the chapter!**

(**A/N: sorry I know its boring right now, you have to get the fillers out of the way. Please just stick with me and I can almost promise you it will get better, hang in there!)**

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Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything (you know the deal!)

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BPOV

It all happened in a blur really. Walking just beyond Charlie's house into the tall trees, hand in hand with the one I loved. He was quiet though, that much I was aware of. It bothered me really, usually he was polite enough to try and make small talk with me when something was on his mind, but today was different. His ocher eyes never met mine fully, the glances never lasted longer than a vampire second. The way he held my tiny hand was loose by his standards, his fingers not fully entwined with mine.

This scared me... He stopped me after we seemed to walk for hours, although it had just been mere minutes, Charlie's house was still in view.

"Edward... Please, talk to me. Wha-" He shushed me quickly, placing a long, cold finger up to my thinned out lips.

"Stop. Let me speak, Bella... Before you say anything else." He told me finally removing his finger from my face, and bringing it to rest at his side.

"Edward..." I whispered to him, semi-pleading. I reached out to wrap my arms around his waist, but they were quickly (darn vampire speed) blocked. The rejection coursed through me already, and I had a strange feeling it was far from over. My arms wrapped subconsciously around my tiny frame, preparing for any blow that was about to come my way .

"Bella... This isn't going to work anymore. I have to stop pretending to be something I'm not. We're leaving, Bella..." His words had stung me, my whole body flinching back, away from the one who was supposed to want me.

"Wait, I'm guessing this doesn't include me?" I inquired, obviously dreading the answer I already knew inside my mind. I needed to hear it from his marble lips though. It was not true until he said it.

"No." He said flatly, his eyes darting to the ferns below his feet.

"You don't want me?" I stated again. I refused to believe that this was the end. No. He was not getting away with leaving me.

"No." Edward's voice was cold as his skin now. His eyes had flattened into an onyx, a color I know I should fear. I was sure he could see my pain. I felt a familiar twinge of scarlet rush into my cheeks causing the emotion in my eyes to swell farther, begging to be released from their prison.

My mind sank away from there, from that conversation. I could hear the mumbling of Edward speaking to me, though I didn't really want to hear what he was saying. My hands were still clutched tightly over my stomach, trying to stop the burning that was breaking through my chest. I was almost positive my favorite... well Edward's favorite... blue sweater would be forever indented with the pressure of my fingers. The mumbles still persisted though, threatening to break through the fence I had put up.

"Promise me something..." Edward's voice finally tore down that fence. His words had actual feeling behind them now. Though I couldn't precisely pinpoint exactly what those emotions were, (where was Jasper when you needed him!) I knew they were there.

"_Anything!_" I emphasized, the longing behind my words was all too evident for my liking. I would promise him anything under the sun, as long as he didn't leave me.

"Don't do anything reckless... keep yourself safe, for Charlie, he needs you." Of course, but you don't need me, why would you need someone like me around, a trite human. I thought that to myself as I weakly nodded to him. His cool lips briefly touched my heated forehead before I felt the _whoosh_ of air as my life ran away.

Damn my human reflexes as I wailed my arms out in from of me, stupidly, trying to catch any piece of his shirt before he took off. Of course, I caught nothing, but the misty air that surrounded me. Defeated, I collapsed onto the moss below me.

"EDWARD! NO! I know you love me... please, Edward... don't leave me." I pleaded to forest, knowing perfectly well that Edward could hear me...

My tears were still captured in their imprisonment, not yet realizing that it was time to come. The hole in my chest burned freely, a feeling I wasn't familiar with. I felt as if I was breaking in half. My life that had taken all, but eighteen years to build up... had collapsed within a matter of minutes. All due to one person... vampire...

My mouth dried at the word. The vampire I had fallen hopeless in love with was gone, just like that, with swift movement of his stone legs, he was out of my life. My Edward..._ouch, the word burned at me, his name was now forbidden from my vocabulary_... **he** was no longer mine, **he** no longer had to pretend that he loved me, **he** could go off with his family and not have to worry about being my Superman any longer. I did not have to be _his_ Lois Lane...

Little did **he** realize that I would crumble at his words. My world falling to putty at my feet, the ground in which I walked on seemed to have no meaning. And the air in which I now breathed in shakily, had nothing to offer me any longer...

My mind linger on that thought for a really long time, the hole in my chest became very painful, almost unbearable. I had curled into the fetal position up against a mossy log, rocking back and forth, like a child trying to soothe itself. I hadn't realized before that all my emotion had finally spilled over. The tears had plastered my face, my honey brown hair was matted and now sticking willingly to my overtly pale face.

I became completely unaware of my surroundings at one point. My tiny body had completely shut down all activity. I felt the rain the beat steadily onto my body, even through my sweater, I could feel the cold droplets. I felt the pain in my chest, still very evident... Tears still rolled freely down my face. I don't know when it happened though but my mind shut down, sending me into a fitful sleep, full of dreams that I only wished had come true:

**I was still curled up on the ground though without the blistering pain of the hole and without the rain falling briskly down on me. I was fully dry and the sun was shining, sending shadows of dancing leaves onto the ground around me. **

**The one thing I noticed almost immediately about my surrounding was the fact that little rainbows taunted my vision. I scrambled to my feet to find the source. Looking around, I saw nothing out of the ordinary. Then all of ****the sudden, my mind screamed at me to look behind me. And there he was. Edward... standing in the suns bright rays, with his arms spread open beckoning me to snuggle up in them. "**_**Oh my Bella!" **_**I heard his musical voice sing to me and I ran to him.**

**"Edward, I knew you wouldn't leave me!" I smiled into his chest. Under me, I felt him chuckle . Then I heard my name being called. Bella... Isabella... it made no sense to me, I looked up at Edward but to my dismay, his lips weren't moving. I was utterly confused. Bella... Isabella...**

**The calls got louder, as my dream... as my Edward... faded into black...**

My dream was no more. **He **still left, the pain was still there, and someone was still calling my name.

"BELLA!" someone screamed very close to me, I didn't have the strength to pick up my head though. It was suddenly heavy, logged with water and harmful memories. I heard footsteps though, and they were getting closer. My mind told me I should be scared, but again my body didn't react.

"Oh, Bella!" The voice spoke to me, familiar... I couldn't put my finger on it though, "It's alright, your safe..." Charlie. It was he who spoke to me now as he huffed to pick my body off the moss. I didn't want this to happen though... Edward-- he, was going to come back for me, I was sure of it... he was only joking, a stupid vampire joke, just to scare me... he would be back any moment. I knew it...

But when Charlie had started walking away from my spot near the tree, I struggled to break his hold. He fought with me though, whispering hushing noises and trying to sooth me with the fatherly love he so awkwardly and rarely used.

"NO!" I screamed at him, causing him to wince, "Don't take me away, Edward's coming back... I know he is!" The tears had emerged with a vengeance as I wiggled again in his arms. Finally, he couldn't resist any longer. His arms dropped me flat onto my backside. Determined to sit where **he **could find me again, I crawled back to my log on my hands and knees...

"Edward will be back, Charlie... _he'll come back for me!_"

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**Okay so this is Chapter 4. I think the next chapter will be in Bella's point of view still, since her pov isn't quite finished yet. I am truly sorry if you are bored with my story, I feel that its necessary to get all of the "fillers" out of the way before we get into the true action. But as I said before, This is my first Fan-Fic. And I am truly trying my best. Being an aspiring writer and all, I really hope to get some kind of criticism for my writing. **

**I'm not going to beg for reviews, _but_ I am hoping that someone will be kind enough to tell me how I am doing... Good or Bad. I will appreciate anything I can get...**

**Thank you very much for reading, Review... please? **


	5. Where He Can Find Me

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 5

**Well here we are again, chapter 5... the action should pick up soon. Like in the next 2 chapters or so. I thank you all for the support, I'm almost at 700 hits and it makes me happy (lol) btw, bear with me I have had quite a rough day... blood tests and such. Fun times... Again please, please, please Review **

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Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

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**Now... on with the chapter, enjoy!**

BPOV

Charlie watched me stunned for a moment after my outburst. I felt him watching me, panicked, as I crawled back to the damp log. He had never been through this before. I was never one for temper tantrums. Even as a child, I wasn't very fussy, my mother always thanked me for that. But now, the way my father watched me, you could tell he had absolutely no idea what to do. He stood a few feet away from me now, but I heard the squishing of the soggy leaves, as he walked towards me.

I buried my face farther into my arms as I curled up, becoming as tiny as I felt at that moment. I did not want Charlie to see me like this. I was supposed to be happy living here, and before this... I was, but now, I would do anything not to live here. Not to know what was missing from the small town, not to realize that my family, though not biological, they were gone. I didn't want to think about this anymore for the fact that the stinging I felt just behind my eyes, was getting stronger and more intense by the moment. That's when I felt Charlie lean down next to me, his arm rested lightly on my shoulder.

"Bella, honey... it's cold and wet... and I-I don't want you getting sick. Your mother would kill me!" He chuckled awkwardly, his breath hitching to a stop when he saw how I was laying. My body had curled up to keep the pain at bay. My eyes still watered with salty tears. "Bells. It's time to go inside. Come on, I'll carry you..."

"NO! Ch-Dad, I have to stay here... I have to stay here. _Where he can find me._" I said half sobbing my answer.

"I'm not taking no for an answer, Bells. You'll thank me later. Come on, hon. Just relax" Charlie told me, his fatherly charm now taking over. I understood at that moment that I really didn't have a choice anymore as he stood up just a little to prepare himself for the lift he was about to make. He hunched carefully over me taking my pale frame into his arms. I felt a sense of nostalgia actually. Although it was not as cold and hard as the marble skin of **his** arms were, they were enough to remember...

I remember how **he **seemed to pick me up effortlessly, making my hundred and ten pound frame seem like nothing. Charlie huffed and puffed though, making it obvious I wasn't as light as a feather. **He** always had a way of making me feel safe when I was in **his **arms, whether its running at un-natural speeds or just walking up the stairs to his golden bedroom. I never felt like I was in immediate danger. Though I do remember clearly what happened the second time he ran with me attached to **his **back.

It was the first time I had ever watched** his** family play baseball, the night that James had decided I was his next victim. I remember when **he** took me out of Emmett's jeep. **He** picked me up and I told **him** how nervous I was to run again, that I wasn't over the first time yet. **His** eyes dazzled me as **he** kissed every part of my face, telling me that **he** would never let anything hurt me, not even a tree. **He **ended his speech with a kiss on the lips, I still remember the way **he** tasted so sweet...

I winced at that memory, Charlie obviously taking notice in sudden rigidness of my body.

"Shh, Bells. It's alright we're home" He told me, almost whispering. Sure enough, I heard the door knob click as my red-faced father turned it, and then proceeded to push it open with his foot. The warmth hit my face immediately and I embraced it. I shivered now, the cold and damp air mixing with the warmth of the house. Charlie was right, I was going to get sick. But that was fine with me.

As long as **he** wasn't here, I didn't really have a purpose. My life would "go on" as many songs had stated on the radio, but to be honest I wasn't sure that it really happened that way. At least not for me... I was fully committed to **him**, I was well aware of the dangers that came with **his** "love," well aware what I was giving up for an eternity with **him**. That was all I wished for though, an eternity with the one man/boy/vampire (what ever you want to call him), I had ever loved...

That thought hit me hard. Charlie had settled me on the couch with an extra two blankets, and the old, faded comforter from my bed. He sat across from me, his eyes closed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. I looked at his through blurry eyes though, that thought was still fresh in my mind. My voice caught in my throat, only allowing me to allow a small gasp full of all the pain I was feeling. The sobs I had tried so hard to quiet for the past hour or so, I could not hid any longer. Another throaty gasp escaped my lips and Charlie's eyes flashed open, alarmed.

"Bella?" he rushed over to me, kneeling next to the couch. "Bella? Talk to me. What's wrong? What happened?" I wanted to say something, truly I did, I had caused him enough pain, putting him through watching me like this.

"_Edward."_ was the glorious thing I had to say to my father. I could only mutter **his** name in an answer to my father's burning questions. I strangled wince came from me, as the pain in my chest opened up just a little bit farther. The black hole, I had came to call it now, I realized was my heart breaking into millions of tiny pieces.

Tiny pieces that were barely breathing, thanks to **him**, the one thing he never wanted for me was happening now. **He** never wanted to damn me to an eternity with **him**. To see me cold, pale. To never hear my heart stop beating. I always knew that when it came down to it, **he** would get sick of me. Of course, how could someone ever want to spend ever single day of the rest of forever with me? No, I knew I would be kidding myself if I said **he** would want to. That would be complete blasphemy.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice broke through my thoughts. I stared at him for a moment trying to remember what he had asked me just a few minutes beforehand. I opened my mouth a couple of times to speak to him, but nothing came out. "Your gonna have to tell me sometime."

"Edward-(wince) **He** l-left me." I stated, mustering up enough to speak. Charlie's face was un-readable for a moment. His eyes bulged slightly out of their sockets, his face turning that purple-red color.

"Edward left you?" He screeched, obviously angry. "I'm gonna kill him."

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**Sorry guys... gotta leave it there. I don't feel the greatest and I got a lot of homework to do.Again, sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. Hopefully the next one will be soon,probably by Wednesday at the latest. Please, review! This one probably sucks though. But review anyway, Thank you for reading!**


	6. She'll Get Over It Pt1

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 6

**Well, it's Saturday. Sorry it took me so long to update. School started again this week after spring break, and lets just say the teachers are piling on the homework not to mention stress!!. So it will be taking me a little longer to update, but keep the reviews coming and it'll propel me to work faster (lol)**

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

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EPOV

My head was still reeling with the pictures Alice had just shown me through her mind. They were terrible.. _My Bella_, was in pain. Her face had lost all its shine and color. I had a feeling I would never see Bella's blush again through Alice's visions. The way she screamed for me made my heart break into a thousand pieces, my throat squeezed with tears that did not exist, and hadn't existed for at least a decade. But somehow, despite all odds,since I was with Bella, she had bought all of these emotions flying back into me, filling me with the most amazing senses of being a human again...

It was all because I met Bella, now it was ruined because of my selfishness. She was willing-- Hell she was more than willing, practically begging on her hands and knees for me to change her, to make her an immortal like my family, but I wouldn't allow it. And after James had came and attacked her... the way her blood tasted, so sweet... I swear I almost didn't stop, I couldn't stop! I was going to be the one who put her into an endless sleep if I hadn't stopped.. Carlisle had told me, that I had let her live because of my _love_ for her was much more potent than the blood lust I felt for her... I was grateful for that, that my love was strong enough that she still lives and breathes..

"Edward." Alice spoke to me like she felt my pain. She stood boldly at the base of the tree I had perched myself in, looking up at me as she whispered my name... she knew I could hear it.

"Alice." my throat squeezed just as I spoke, causing my voice to quiver. I held my head in my hands as I felt my carefully guarded composure slip away...

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**I am SOO sorry its taken me this long to update.. I had a really busy week and I had SATs today and I had to study all week. And this is all you guys are getting tonight, I'm exhausted. Hopefully, I will be able to write more tomorrow once I finish all of the homework I have to do. Again I am so sorry, I won't even beg for reviews this time (lol) thanks for reading **


	7. She'll Get Over It Pt2

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 6 (part. 2)

**Hi everyone, thank you so much for bearing with me it really is greatly appreciated. School is coming to a close in like a month, so everything is a little crazy right now... I will try my very best to make this chapter as long as possible (maybe even two POV's.)I will also try to update sooner, although I do not think it's possible until June, which is when iwill be updating more often. K on with the chapter... **

**(sorry if this is OCC. I hope not, but it might be)**

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Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

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_Previously..._

"_Alice." my throat squeezed just as I spoke, causing my voice to quiver. I held my head in my hands as I felt my carefully guarded composure slip away..."_

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EPOV

I didn't realize what I was doing until it was to late. My body was overcome by tear less sobs. I felt my still heart squeeze with the pain I felt for a lost love. The world around me had come to a screeching halt. No one was important... besides _my _Bella, No one could calm my emotion... except _my_ Bella. The only problem was _My _Bella was not here with me. She was crumpled, helpless on Charlie's couch back in Forks, more than a hundred miles away...

That thought brought a heart-breaking, choking gasp from my dry throat. My emotion had caused all sign of venom to disappear. I couldn't clear my mind... Alice's thoughts tried to comfort me, though it didn't help. I 'heard' Jaspers thoughts, though not as clear, he was trying to be strong. He told me I made a mistake, that I had how much pain I had caused Bella... I snarled at that thought.

Of course I had an idea. I knew with my whole monstrous being how much I had hurt an _angel._ How could I not? The painful images of her much to pale face kept flashing before me. I saw her face fall in despair when I told her I didn't want her. The words still stung my tongue, my lies were present in my every unnecessary breath. I saw how her small frame fit seamlessly into the soggy log in the woods. It hurt me more than anything. I had meant to help her, let her live her life without any danger.

Well... being the beautiful and amazing Bella that she was, that was impossible. But I was trying to rid her of any danger caused by my kind. She deserved that much, to live and breath along with her friends, her father, her mother... I wouldn't have been able to let her do that, I would have caved eventually... Sinking my sharp, venom coated teeth into her warm supple neck. The venom was back, and the burning in my throat was very present at the remembrance of her floral scent.

A cold arm around my shoulder caught me off guard. The succulent scent was pushed into the back of my mind, along with the memories and pictures of Bella. I removed my head from between my palms to look over at my sister. Alice's eyes were somber and I realized that if she could cry, she would have been doing so at that moment. Her tiny arm barely reached over my shoulders as we both sat, perched on a branch high up in the canopy's of the trees.

"Alice... how can I be so stupid? I can't live without her. It just doesn't make sense to me." I told her barely even moving my lips. She looked at me through her eyelashes, her eyes staring blatantly into mine. Trying to see through my mind which was now empty, full of cobwebs.. tangled with memories of the beautiful browns orbs, full of light and love, that I had left behind.

"Edward we have to talk about this... It's Bella, Edward." Alice was gripping my arm now, forcing my onyx eyes to stare at her, to make sure she knew that I understood. "... shes in bad shape, Edward... what you did, I don't know how you did it. It hurt me just seeing it through my visions Edward. You can't just lea--"

"Leave it alone, Alice." I cut her off with a growl emitting from my chest. "Whats done is done... I-I don't even think she would take me back... Even if- _if_ I decide to go back. It's not gonna happen."

"_I beg to differ, Edward. Do you have any sort of inclining of how much Bella loves you? As far as I can see.. no. nope you have no idea..."_ Alice scolded me in her mind. Her words cut me actually. How could she think that? Of course I knew Bella had loved me. Well, we always argued, but I **know**I love her more... I was able to leave.

"I know she loves me, Alice." I grunted, "this is why I had to leave. A monster is not fit for an angel... you should know that."

"_you have no idea, Edward." _I shot her a look through the corner of my eye at her thoughts. I knew she saw it.

"Alice... _please!_" I was begging now, I did not want to hear about how much of a monster was... I already knew that.

"_EDWARD!_" I winced back from the growing headache in my mind, Alice screamed at me.

"okay, you have my attention, just _please_ stop screaming." I whispered to her quietly, proving a point that I can hear her.

"_i had a vision."_ She said very simply, a cryptic message.

"That's nothing new, Alice." I snorted back to her, I didn't want to be bothered. I wanted to be by myself at the moment. Be able to break down and relinquish control over to the sobs that threatened to take over me.

"_Shut up, Edward." _Her voice renouncing its pixie title, it was full of anger now. "_You hurt my little sister... Hell, you killed my little sister._"

Yes. Now the venom was clear in her mind. Killed? I did no such thing, if anything I had done this to make it better, to allow Bella a life full of children and free of danger.

"_No, Edward! You left her. She thinks you hate her. You took **everything** she had of you! **Everything.**" _She spat at me. I sat next to her, my head hung down, looking at the ground that seemed tiny below us. "_What in the hell do you think shes going to do Edward? Run off happily, skipping down a yellow brick road to meet Mike Newton?"_ I shuttered at the name. Vile creature that Mike Newton was.

"No, Alice. I don't expect her to just run off. I expect her to realize it was for the better. She'll get over it" I told her smugly. My plan seemed brilliant in my mind, it caused me tons of pain, but in my mind, Bella's pain would fade as memories do.

"_No.. No she won't. That's where your 'brilliant' plan faltered Edward." _

"Alice..." I said cautiously, "what are you talk--"

"_She kills herself."_

The world as I knew it ended at that moment.

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**Phew. Okay now that I have your attention back. Again, sorry for the delay. I hope it was worth it. Now, i'm definitely in a writing mood right now, SO. I might have another chapter out today or tomorrow. But probably this weekend. Seeing as tomorrow is Mother's Day. I wish all of your mothers (or those who are mothers) a Happy Mother's Day! Review please, it makes me write faster! Thanks for reading.**


	8. She Will Not Die voting

**Hey guys, its me. SORRY! This is NOT a chapter. That will be up later in the week. I just wanted to ask you guys a HUGE favor. **

**My friend is a finalist in the HISGOLDENEYES** **Breaking Dawn, cover contest. She asked me to tell all of you to please, please, please vote for her **

**Your votes will be greatly appreciated!**

**Soo, just click the link below:**

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**And click the name KERI S.**

**And then the little vote button and all will be good in the world D lol**

**Sorry again for the confusion, I promise I will make the next chapter much longer (hopefully… well at least I'll try.) and ready, here's a little preview for next chapter…**

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"Edward… Did you hear what I said?" I heard the pixie talk to me though my mind wasn't really there. "Hello? Edward… Talk to me!"

Again my mind processed the words, but I was unable to speak. The images that Alice had planted into my head were overwhelming. All I saw was Bella…

_MY_ Bella, her tiny figure, paler than pale. Her beautiful face twisted with the pain that I had caused, all because of my selfish need. My selfish need for her to be safe…. My selfish need to lie to her, to tell her I didn't love her when I did. She had no idea how much I cared…

How much I would hate seeing her pale, cold… lifeless. I flinched at the word. _My _Bella would never be lifeless, especially by her own self-inflicted wounds. I was shaking now that much I could feel. The rest of me though was numb.

"Alice. I can't let this happen." I growled at her through my teeth. My sudden response catching her off guard causing her to jump slightly into the air. "I **won't** let this happen… not to her. Not to _my Bella._"

"Edward? What are you going t—" She began.

"I'm going back, Alice. She will **not **die."

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**There ya go. A little preview Hope you enjoyed it! and please please please vote! I'd rather you vote then review (yeah I just said that lol) Thanks for reading guys **


	9. I Know You Can Hear Me

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Alright I told you I would try to get this chapter out as fast as possible for allmy readers (lol) Also, I tried to make it as long as possible without giving way too muchaway. So yeah...Hope it doesn't suck to much. Enjoy **

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Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

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_Previously..._

"_No.. No she won't. That's where your 'brilliant' plan faltered Edward." _

"Alice..." I said cautiously, "what are you talk--"

"_She kills herself."_

The world as I knew it ended at that moment.

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EPOV

I felt like I couldn't breathe, even though it wasn't completely necessary. My "breathes" were coming now in short, painful gasps.. The kind that tighten your throat to the point where you feel like your choking. It reminded me of Bella when she got really nervous or scared. The thought of her nearly sent me into even more convulsions.

I was in a state of panic. Had Alice really said that? Innocent, little Bella killing herself over a monster like me.

"Edward… Did you hear what I said?" I heard the pixie talk to me though my mind wasn't really there. "Hello? Edward… Talk to me!"

I didn't answer her... my mind processed the words, but I was unable to speak. The images that Alice had planted into my head were overwhelming. And then... all I saw was Bella…

(**A/N: GUYS SORRY THIS IS A LITTLE GRAPHIC! IT DOESN'T GO INTO DETAIL BUT IT SUGGESTS... SO STOP READING HERE AND CONTINUE BEYOND THE BOLD AND READ THERE... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)**

**Bella was standing at her window. It was fully open. The dingy curtains blowing in the harsh wind of the storm that brewed outside her home. Her eyes held no light that I could see and her usually gorgeous face was pale and blotchy, memories of the tears that had fallen down her face earlier.**

**Her brown hair had lost all of its red hues, it lay flat and mangled, tangled into that haystack I had once complimented on. She still stared out the window though, her small fingers outreached as if to touch something that wasn't there. I saw the gleam of the emotion drip from her eye before she even realized she was crying...**

**Then swiftly, the vision changed. Bella slid down her wall right under a window, her face broken. Her whole frame shook with sobs. Then as she brushed her hair away from her forehead, running her fingers through it, a look of determination shot across her face. Her lips pouted slightly, telling me that she was thinking. **

**I saw her move and watched as she exited her small room. Within less than a minute she ****rushed back into the room holding something in her hand. She practically ran back to her spot by the window after carefully and quietly shut the door behind her. My only guess was that Charlie was home...**

**Bella stood by the window, her eyes scanning the outside of the house... **_**looking for me.**_** Her hair got heavier with water as she slid back down once more.**

**I saw what she was holding now. A shiny black handgun was now laying in her tiny hands. It looked so **_**wrong**_** next to her pale, innocent skin. My dead heart lurched at the sight. Her eyes studied the deadly weapon carefully as she toyed within her hands. **

_**Oh god, Bella... please no! Bella sweetie, put the gun down.. PLEASE! I'm not worth it Bella. NO!**_

**I found myself screaming that in my mind as Bella took one last look around the room. Her brown eyes determined now. She picked it up in her right hand and I watched in horror as she raised it. I watched her lips move as she whispered to someone who wasn't there...**

**"Edward... I know your somewhere. I hope you can hear me. I. Love. You." **_**Bella! **_**I screamed at Alice's vision as Bella's eyes snapped shut so tightly, the creases of her eyelids prominent. And then... I saw her finger move... I shook the vision from my mind before I could see the picture.**

**The sound of a single, piercing shot ran through my mind and hummed in my sensitive ears as I tried to back away from the vision and from Alice's mind...**

I cringed. _MY_ Bella, her tiny figure, paler than pale. I could only imagine her beautiful face twisted with the pain that I had caused, all because of my selfish need. My selfish need for her to be safe…. My selfish need to lie to her, to tell her I didn't love her when I did. She had no idea how much I cared…

How much I would hate seeing her pale, cold… lifeless. I flinched at the word. I couldn't stand to see the rest of my sister's vision. I don't think I would be able to survive if I saw that mental picture. Even if _My _Bella wasn't dead yet, I still couldn't bear the thought. I could only wish and pray to the God I never believed in that _my _Bella would never be lifeless, especially by her own self-inflicted wounds. I was shaking now that much I could feel. The rest of me though was numb.

"Edward? You have to talk to me eventually..." Alice spoke so quietly. I had a feeling that she would cry if she could. "I figured you would want to know... cause I know that you wouldn't want to-- to l-live if Bella wasn't around..."

I heard her voice break multiple times, she seemed to be struggling with all of this not as much as I was, but she was still hurt. Bella had been her best friend, she told me that many a time. Alice thought of Bella as her sister. She had, had many visions of Bella in a gorgeous vintage wedding dress walking down a big aisle only to meet me at the end.

This made my sister happier than you could ever imagine. I had always been alone... almost one-hundred and ten years of fending for myself. No one to share my secrets with, no one to hold at night while we relaxed peacefully... No one to tell me that they loved me and I them... And most importantly, at least to Bella it was, I had no one to tell me that I was not a monster, at least not the monster I thought I was...

I made my decision at that point in my thinking...

"Alice. I can't let this happen." I growled at her through my teeth. My sudden response catching her off guard causing her to jump slightly into the air. "I **won't** let this happen… not to her. Not to _my Bella._"

"Edward? What are you going t—" She began.

"I'm going back, Alice. She will **not **die."

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**Sorry guys have to cut it off there. I have homework to do (lol) again, PLEASE vote At HISGOLDENEYES . com /CONTESTS.HTM **

**vote for KERI S. (all votes are greatly appreciated and shes a really, really good friend of ****mine, so please. I'm asking very nicely, go vote... even if you don't review it's alright. I'd rather you'd vote than review... yeah I said it (lol) Until next time **


	10. I'm Not Asking Anymore

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 8

**Hey guys I'm back umm… I am going to try and make this as long as possible for you guys. I almost have 3000 reviews which makes me really happy. Also, I have been getting a lot more reviews which also makes me happy! So yeah… keep reviewing please! On with the chapter… Enjoy.**

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Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

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_Previously:_

"Edward-(wince) **He** l-left me." I stated, mustering up enough to speak. Charlie's face was un-readable for a moment. His eyes bulged slightly out of their sockets, his face turning that purple-red color.

"Edward left you?" He screeched, obviously angry. "I'm gonna kill him."

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**BPOV**

I had never seen Charlie so angry before. His face turned purple and his eyes seemed to bulge out of his head.

"Dad…" I said mutely, my face concentrated on his. He looked at me for a moment, a fierceness I had never seen from him before. "... Killing will not be necessary." I tried to say calmly, my voice betrayed me though, quivering pathetically

"Bella." Charlie said through his teeth. I stared at him, waiting for him to continue. I felt my eyes burn with the remnants of the tears I had cried before. Charlie still watched me though, his eyes careful, gauging my reactions to the words he was going to us next.

"Bella… Edward hurt you!" I winced at his words. He obviously didn't edit his thoughts carefully. "Why do you do that, Bella?Why do you flinch whenever I say… _his_, name?"

I really didn't want to answer that question. I really did not want him to know about the black hole in my chest that consisted of the remnants of my broken heart.

"Bella." I heard him say and his words got closer to me as he walked forward. I turned my face away. I was **not** going to answer his questions. I didn't need him feeling my pain, I did not want him hunting **him** down and killing **him.** Even though **he** hurt me, **he **still didn't deserve to be killed… Not that Charlie would be able to kill **him** anyway….

I pulled my mahogany hair over my shoulder so that it created a curtain between my father and I. He didn't realize that I was now crying. All the pain had flooded back from the memory of **him** leaving me... I did not want him to see his little girl cry for the boy that meant so much to her.

"Bella… hon. you have to talk to me eventually." I shook my head to his question. "I'm not asking anymore. I'm demanding. What Happened?"

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**Sorry... big project... too much school work. I'll get another chapter out when I can. SORRY! Stick with me please! **


	11. Human Memories Fade

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 9

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**Alright guys, I'm back. I just wanted to let everyone know that ****I'm trying my hardest to write things as interesting and as fast as possible. I feel that good writing takes time and that details are important to any story. And if someone doesn't like how slow this is going then don't read it... I appreciate all the positive support **

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

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_Previously..._

"_Bella… hon. you have to talk to me eventually." I shook my head to his question. "I'm not asking anymore. I'm demanding. What Happened?"_

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BPOV

I was quiet for a moment after Charlie had demanded his question. My hair was still dangling over my shoulder, I could feel his eyes burning at me through my hair. What did I want to tell him?

I don't want to tell him everything. I didn't want to tell him how **he** had told me **he** didn't want me anymore. I know how angry Charlie would get at that. So I decided a complete and utter lie was necessary in order for **him** to be able to live and not be hunted by my father. I heard Charlie cough at that moment. I decided this might be a good time to answer.

"Charlie..." I whispered, making sure he really wanted to hear the answer I had fabricated in my mind.

"Tell me what happened Bella." He said quietly.

"**He** walked me into the woods just a couple of feet up the path and **he** told me that we needed to talk..." I looked up at Charlie to see him cringe, but he quickly pulled his face back together and urged me to continue. "I knew something was wrong... **he** was being so – distant-- lately. I guess I should have seen this coming."

"Bella... Stop stalling tell me what happened." Charlie urged me on.

"**He** told me that **his** family and **him** of course, were leaving. Apparently Carlisle got a new job down in California... I asked **him** if we could work it out. And **he **just told me – no-- and I don't remember after that really. I just remember trying to go after **him** after **he** left. Guess I didn't get to far, huh?" I snorted slightly, trying to play up the fact that this was the actual truth. I knew the truth though and it was far worse than what I had just told my father.

I felt my eyes begin to tear again as I remembered what had happened. My thoughts swirled with a picture of Edward... Even thinking his name made the black hole of my heart grow larger, sinking farther and farther until all I felt was pain. It was a burning I guess, it was too hard to describe. I-I just felt empty...

"Bells?" Charlie asked me quietly, watching while I sat in my own thoughts.

"Yeah, Ch-Dad?" I had a feeling I wasn't done explaining the exact torture I had went through.

"Edward just left you there? He just left you alone in the woods, Bella?" the undercut of anger in his voice was definitely clear.

"No dad... Edward (wince) left me in view of the house. I was an idiot though and tried to follow **him** when he ran away. I didn't want to let **him** go... So I just ran after **him**. I got tired and I went to far and I couldn't find my way back. And I guess I was so upset... I didn't try to get back."

"Oh... Bells. He didn't hurt you did he?" I knew what he was getting at. No, **he** had not hurt me physically. **He** would never do anything to hurt me. I know that **he** would never, even though he had convinced **himself** throughly that** he** would be able to.

I was hurt emotionally though. Even though my heart still thumped in my chest, I knew it wasn't fully there. **He **had taken my heart with **him** on **his** journey to "distract" **himself.** I guess there was still a part of me that believed that I was worth **his **time. I laughed at that thought. _Me? Worth Edwards god-like nature. There was no way. _My thoughts churned like this. I never believed that it was possible for **him** to love me.

I knew for the longest time that I was not worth it. I was definitely not gorgeous enough to be with **him**, my mousy looks were nothing to be compared with. Especially when I found out that Rosalie, the most beautiful woman in the world, was meant for **him**. It was hardly fair for **him** to be trapped with me. Of course I was hurt. But I didn't blame **him** for leaving, I guess. **He **was better off without me.

"As long as your sure Bells. I think you know by now, I would _kill_ that boy if he ever touched you. End of story. He'd be six feet under by now. Your my little girl, and I don't like seeing you hurt. And thats exactly what that boy did." Charlie ranted, he seemed to be in his own thoughts. I think he forgot I was sitting there.

I was overcome by emotion at that moment. I knew my dad cared about me, to the point where he would kill for me, for his daughter. He was trying to make up for lost time, I knew that and it touched me.

"Thanks dad," I offered him a small smile before starting to talk again. "Uh, I think I'm going up to my room. I-I need time to think and I'm exhausted. So, thanks dad.. I'll u-uh see you tomorrow." I tried to fool him. I needed time to sit and relax and process all of the thoughts that were running through my mind.

"I'm glad your okay, hon. I'm here if you need anything, OK?" Charlie offered as he awkwardly patted my back, I smiled again. And then ran right up the short flight of stairs.

I surprised myself by not tripping and falling on the way up. As soon as my foot hit the top of the stairs I swiftly turned to the right. Bursting through my faded bedroom door, I turned and shut it quietly. Soon afterwards, I felt the roughness of the wood as my back slid down the door. I couldn't breathe.

Placing my hand over my heart, I tried, ultimately failing, to slow my breathing. I felt my face become hot as the air got thinner and thinner. The perspiration spread down over my forehead, down my cheeks as it mixed with the tears that had come again.

I tasted the saltiness of them as they ran down my lips and plopped loudly on my shirt. The navy blue sweater that **he** had complimented so long ago was ruined with wet drops. I couldn't take the memory anymore. My heart still pounded furiously against my chest, reminding me every single second that **he** was gone.

Each beat mocked me, laughing boisterously, at the pain. The devil that taunted me seemed to know that with each thump the stinging in my heart increased.

"_Edward... Why did you do this to me?"_ I spoke so softly more to **him** than anyone else. I knew **he **would be able to hear me if **he** was here. But then again I was being stupid. Of course **he** wasn't there. **He** was busy trying to forget about me...

"Human memories fade," I remember **him** telling me right before he left. I asked **him **what he would be doing about **his** memories and how in the world **he** would be able to bear them. And after that I asked **him** what I would do about _my_ memories. And that was **his** reply. And that hurt.

I heard a whimper and realized it was me. The strangling sound had come from my throat as I remembered his words. "_I don't want them to fade." _I whispered again to myself. "_i just want you to come back to me..."_

That was my reassurance. **He **would be back... I wanted to tell myself that. It didn't have to be this year. Or even the next. I-I just needed **him** to come back to me. I needed my guardian angel. I needed the man I loved back. I needed **him** to come back and hold me in **his** cold, marble arms. I wanted to feel **his **breath dazzle me... Most of all though I just needed to see my love's face...

I was still sobbing and shaking when I realized there was a way I could see **his** face. I crawled on my tiny hands and knees to my bed. I laid flat on my stomach, reaching my short arm underneath the bed. I felt the rough dirt of the dust bunnies and the old miscellaneous items that had been lost so long ago. And then my palm felt what I had so desperately been searching for.

My hand pulled back, slipping out from under the fabric of the bed skirt. The light from my bedside lamp revealed the album my mom had bought me for Christmas. I remember the pictures I had took in my kitchen... in my living room. Of Edward and I. I remember the words exactly...

"Edward?" I asked **him** quietly. I remember **him **looking at me, urging me to go further. "If I take this picture, will you show up on film?" I laughed as soon as I realized how stupid I sounded.

"Just take the picture, Bella!" **He** smirked at me and answered my question just before I snapped the small trigger on the camera.

I winced at the memory still. My heart broke further at the sight of **his **smile in my mind. But I needed to see it. I wanted that crooked smile back in my life. I wretched the album open and my eyes immediately found a blank spot where a picture used to be glued.

"_Edward. Kitchen 2006 (_**a/n sorry I don't know the actual date in the book)**." I read the caption aloud. But I couldn't grasp my mind around the fact that my picture was gone. The only thing left of **him** was gone. And I only had one guess of where it had gone. **He** had taken it with **him**...

How dare **he**... the only thing I could ever ask for, just a physical memory of the love that left me. And **he** took it away from me. I couldn't tell if I was angry or upset. I was definitely something though... I couldn't quite put a finger on it. Really... I was a picture of both. The wetness streaming down my face made me think I was upset. But the heat the flooded my neck and my cheeks made me think I was angry...

I remembered another memory I possessed of **him**. My lullaby. I jumped up a little too fast from the spot I had rested on the floor, my head spinning slightly. I wobbled my way over to my night stand reaching and trying to grasp for my the button to open my boom box. That was when all my fears were confirmed. The one thing that had comforted me besides **his** marble arms and stone, cold chest was my lullaby. The one **he** had wrote for me and only me. My original lullaby.

My one and only song... my one and only love were gone. Wretched from my life... right out from underneath me. I wobbled once more over to my over-crowded closet and grabbed an old ratty teddy bear my mom had bought me when I was first born eighteen years ago . I rushed back over to my tiny twin bed and hurdled myself onto it.

I coddled my teddy bear close to my chest and just let the tears fall. My mahogany locks clung to my sodden cheeks willingly. The ratty brown bear was soaked by the time I had almost cried myself to sleep...

The only thing that could comfort me at the moment would be the cold arms that would wrap around my slim waist. Or the small butterfly kisses from the only person I cared about...

But I had to settle for the song that was made for me. It didn't sound the same coming from my lips instead of **his**, nevertheless it was comforting to me. I began humming to myself. My sobs breaking up the chords every once in a while. Still, the harmony was clear.

I paused in my humming to whisper into the darkness of my dingy room.

"_Edward... I need you with all my heart.. please. please. come back to me!" _

I felt myself drifting into an unconscious slumber as the melody of my lullaby carried on... I rolled over to face my window. It was overcome, being washed by the rain that pelted Forks daily. God seemed to be crying extra hard today.

I felt my eyes droop slightly so I couldn't be sure about what I saw, but a shadow filled my vision. Just out my window... I still can't be sure. But I swear a figure stood there, watching over me. I wasn't afraid. Although I probably should have been. My mind though was only on the melody I hummed... As I sang my lullaby in the dark...

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**wow... longest chapter yet. I better get reviews!! (lol) so... whose outside the window? (dun dun DUN!) sorry I had too p i'll try and update soon. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading everyone!**


	12. Blocking Out Bad Things

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 10

**Alrighty, I'm back. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews from last chapter. I was very happy with the response it received Hopefully this chapter lives up to the expectations of the last chapter. Review and enjoy! (****Vote on the new poll on my profile!!****)**

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

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_Previously..._

_I felt my eyes droop slightly so I couldn't be sure about what I saw, but a shadow filled my vision. Just out my window... I still can't be sure. But I swear a figure stood there, watching over me. I wasn't afraid. Although I probably should have been. My mind though was only on the melody I hummed... As I sang my lullaby in the dark..._

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BPOV

The shadow never crossed my mind again really. The hum at the back of my throat was coming to a close, the melodies growing weaker just as my eyelids did. I felt myself drifting... my hold tightened slightly on the ratty mud colored bear in my arms. I knew my dreams would not be pleasant in the slightest way.

I knew that nightmares would follow the path my mind would set for it, just as the shadow seemed to follow the eaves and panes of the single window in my bedroom. My brown eyes wouldn't allow me to focus on that though, all they wanted was the peace and quiet of a good night's sleep.

I protested with all of my might. _No!_ I shouted to the sleepiness. _You don't want to go to sleep! Only with sleep will the nightmares follow..._

_Your living a nightmare right now, Bella._ My mind answered me. I knew it was right, my conscience told me so. I was living a nightmare. The ones that came with my dreams would only mock the reality I was currently living and barely breathing in. It wouldn't be scary really, just hard to look at. I didn't want to look any farther into my life.

Well, at least what was left of it. I sighed heavily at that point in my thoughts. Rolling over in my bed, the sheets that covered my body wrapped around my legs causing me to be bound tightly to the mattress. I struggled violently to break free. The feeling of not being able to move, claustrophobia, surrounded me.

I gasped and twisted and turned trying to release the blankets grasp. My face was flushed, the feeling was overwhelming to me. Still struggling, I felt the familiarity of warmth cascading down my face. _Dammit. _I cried in my mind. _I want to be done crying._ But I knew in my heart I wasn't. My frustrations shined through as I finally broke one of my feet free of the cotton prison.

It came out with a relieved gasp that escaped from my lips. The gasp attempted to mix with a muffled sob, left over from the hysteria. I paused for a moment in the dark. _Was I over the hysteria?_ No. Of course not. There was no way that I was able to get over something that fast. Especially something like this...

Something so catastrophic. I would have to try and get over it though. Not for me, but for Charlie. Just like **he** had told me to promise... not that I really wanted to. I wasn't happy which was much more than obvious at this point.

And now I couldn't sleep. My mind had been running on fumes just a few moments ago, now it seemed fired up and ready for anything that was to come its way. I guess I asked for it then. My body's uncomfortable position caused me to toss and turn again. The blankets this time were unable to keep me in their stifling grasp.

My mind wandered to school. What would happen when I would get back? What would people think when **he** wasn't at my side? I thought to my old clunker of a car outside in the driveway. I would need to start driving it again. For the first time in a good amount of months I was going to have to drive my own car to school. No more stupid, shiny, silver... Volvo.

I almost choked on the last word. My emotions came flooding back, not that they were very far away to begin with.

I just let it happen this time. I didn't care who saw me, not that anyone was here. Well... except that damn shadow. I didn't care who heard me. This was the time where I would sob as loud as I wanted and no one was going to stop me.

My thoughts ran rampant. Wandering to the darkest corners of my mind and back, bringing forth all the memories of the past. The Meadow... The Ballet Studio... The Hospital... The Parking Lot... All the things **he** said to me came rushing back. A gust of cold wind in a dry, heated desert. I was the stupid lamb in the equation of life...

Just another stupid lamb... I knew I should have listened to **him** when** he** told me it was better that we weren't friends. But **he** should have spoken sooner. I had already tripped over love and was falling madly.

And there was no one there to stop me. Well, **he** stopped me at first telling me the lie of **his** love. Telling me **his** most guarded secrets. I snorted at the thought, guarded secrets... those secrets meant nothing to me. I told **him** so long ago that I didn't care what he was. A vampire... **he** would never be able to hurt me...

Boy, was I wrong about that. Although my love had never physically hurt me, the pain I was feeling now was much deeper than physical. My emotions were fallen to ashes at this point. The paths that made up my brain were blocked with pain.

Besides that fact I was still willing to accept my vampire back into my arms. I didn't care how many humans **he** had killed. I remember** he** told the people **he** had murdered had done horrible things in their lives. It was worth killing them. Therefore, I never understood how **he** could never see that **he** was not in fact a terrible monster.

_Your not a monster, Edward._ Even the name in my thoughts caused my vision to blur. But the words I 'spoke' were true. Beyond true, there were a fact. **He **was not a monster, even with **him** leaving me, he wasn't

I rolled over in my small twin bed once more, craning my neck to look at the bright green numbers that flashed on my clock. 2:30 am. It was two-thirty in the morning and my mind was fully awake. Groaning loudly I turned back over facing the ceiling now.

I tried closing my eyes and relaxing. That did not work. The bed underneath me seemed to be more uncomfortable by the second. And I was hot. All the twisting and turning caused the perspiration to gather on my small forehead. I relentlessly kicked off the covers and jumped out of my bed. My legs definitely did not feel like supporting me though.

Next thing I knew, my face had collided with the hardwood flooring that covered my room. _Dammit, Bella. Why do you have to be such a klutz!_ I screamed at myself, cursing my clumsiness and definitely not missing the fact that marble arms were not here to catch me this time.

Now that I was angry at myself, I pushed myself off the floor, ignoring the stinging that occurred on my knee that had apparently hit the floor without my knowledge. I marched over to my closet, pulling the drawers out violently searching for something I wouldn't suffocate in.

Ultimately, I found a pair of cotton shorts. Ones in which I knew Alice would never approve of. Well now she would have a vision of what I was wearing and she could do nothing to stop me. I laughed at the thought of Alice randomly showing up to strip me of my "hideous" cotton shorts. And I knew if that ever happened I would watch desperately as she burned them. My comic relief for the night was complete. Although I wished with all my heart she would show up screaming at me to get some fashion sense...

Unable to stand my thoughts of my used-to-be sister anymore, I stripped clean of my tattered flannel pajama pants that had caused me to feel suffocated. The fell to the floor mimicking the vision of a puddle. Without much conscience thought I pulled on the tiny cotton shorts. Even though they barely covered my bottom, I didn't care. No one was going to be sleeping in my room tonight except me.

The shorts allowed a small breeze to tickle at my smooth, pale legs. It didn't bring me much relief though. The claustrophobic feeling still swarmed me. Frustrated, I pulled the sweater I wore from around my body and up over my head. Leaving me standing in a bra and shorts. I was even more relieved this time. The cold tickling feeling hugged my limbs and my flat stomach. I sighed with relief.

I dropped the dreaded and ruined blue sweater that **he** loved so much to the floor. Thats when I heard it.

It was a loud thud that knocked against my window pane. It frightened me immensely at first. Then realization hit me.

My window... **He **usually came through my window. **He** was back! There was no other way that a sound like that could come from a tree branch or something. Maybe Edward had finally realized that it was a mistake that **he** made. That **he** could not live without me just as I could not live without **him**.

My feet were firmly planted in place though. _Bella. What are you doing? Go to him!_ My mind screamed at me. _Go. Go!_ It was hard to block out the instinct to run towards that window. To throw it open and end up in the arms of my love. To have **his** kisses of pure ecstasy wash over me. **His** lips caressing mine in an embrace I wouldn't let go of anytime soon.

My body and mind freed themselves at that moment. I made several long strides from my closet closer to my window. I was eager for those kisses to become a reality.

"_Edward!"_ I screamed out in my dark room. I was beyond eager now, almost begging.

I ran the rest of the way to the window. My small fingers grasping tightly at the frame. I took a shaky breath, preparing to view my vampire. I had missed** his **face greatly. **His** face, although ever etched in my mind, was beginning to fade. "_I'm good at blocking out the bad things in my life." _I remember telling Edward that once...

I had stalled long enough. The palms of my hands pushed against the bottom of the window, causing a small squeaking sound as it lifted up the frame.

The beats of my heart came in fast spasms. I knew that if **he** was anywhere nearby, they would be loud and clear, ringing frantically in **his** extra sensitive ear-drums.

I wretched the window up as far as it would go. Once it reached the top, I pushed my head through the hole the absent window had created. My face hit the cold air with a visible shudder from my body.

My breathing became rigid as I looked around for my love, for the source of the sound from outside my window. For the source of the shadow that had me so unconcerned. I knew why I was unconcerned now. I knew with my heart that it was Edward. **He **had come back... **he had to be back.**

I wouldn't let myself think otherwise. I don't think I would be able to handle it if I thought otherwise...

But as my mind allowed the truth to come through, **he** wasn't there. The burning from his name on my lips came through. _Edward. _That was the truth though. Indeed, **he** was not here. My hopes faded fast. My chest ripped open a new hole in my heart.

I climbed out of my window, my feet landing on the eave under my window (the roof of my porch). The cold air swarmed around me.

I cried. Again. For the millionth time today. I couldn't help it. This pain filled me. My expectations growing greatly and then being smashed was the last of my hope going out the window. Almost literally.

I rested my head in my hands, my knees cradled around my chest. I tried to make myself as small as possible. As whole as possible really. I didn't feel whole anymore. I don't know if I wanted to either.

I rocked myself back and forth for a long time. My body shivering as I tried to comfort myself from the growing pain. My breathing slowed and staggered. My vision blurred with lack of oxygen... I felt myself fading not from fatigue this time though. This was different.

My eyes drooped willingly. I saw a flash of gray underneath me as my eyes succumbed to darkness. As the full effect of my blackout occurred, I felt myself falling. All sense of gravity being lost... I don't remember anything after that. The cold stood out in my mind. Everything else faded to black...

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**And this marks the end of another chapter! Wow, I enjoyed writing this chapter a lot actually. And, I achieved the same length this time. I am quite proud of myself. Thanks for reading guys, hope you enjoyed it! Review please (****AND VOTE IN THE POLL ON MY PROFILE PLEASE!)**** thanks guys!**


	13. Hiding From the Good

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 11

**Alright guys. I'm back. Sorry it has taken me so long to get the next chapter up. I've been working really hard and I definitely tried to write this like three different times. Hopefully this doesn't disappoint. By the way this is definitely a turning point in the story. Enjoy!**

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Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

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_Previously…_

"_I'm going back, Alice. She will __**not **__die."_

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EPOV

I said that statement with full confidence. The words rang sure in my throat, but then all confidence fell completely to the floor….

"What are you going to do, Edward?" I heard my sister ask me quietly. I couldn't answer her for I was not sure yet. I didn't know how to answer her question.

Yes. I wanted to go back to that small, green town of Forks with all of my heart. I wanted to be back with my Bella more than anything. I wanted to climb up her window and beg for her forgiveness…. I would give anything at all, if it meant I could hold her close to me. If I could kiss her full lips as she cried for my return. I wanted to feel her warm body against mine while she slept and dreamed happy dreams. God, I missed her so much.

"Then go back to her…" Alice told me, I must have been voicing my thoughts out loud. But there was another side to my decision making process.

No. I did not want to go back. I would make myself the most miserable creature on this planet before I would put my angel in danger once again. If I returned, her world would no longer be safe. The mythical monsters of her nightmares would come to life once more.

I've heard it all before, as she whimpered and whined in her sleep. Her quiet yelps alerted me of the dangers she viewed in her dreams. I remembered the time I couldn't take her nightmares anymore. I woke her up one night…

**(A/N: this is a flashback. Just in case you didn't realize)**

"_No! Edward. Don't let them take me!"_ _Bella whimpered in her sleep. Cold sweat spread across her porcelain forehead. The sheets of her old bed were tangled around her ankles and thighs. Her small night shirt had lifted over her belly-button and rested right underneath her ribs._

"_No… please! Edward, save me!" the angel screamed now. I couldn't take it anymore. I placed a cold hand on her forehead and bought it down, caressing her cheek as I went, while my other hand traced random words on her stomach._

"_Sweetheart? It's me, come on Hun it's just a dream. Come back to me." I murmured, my lips barely touching her ear. She twisted, leaning into me, but she still did not wake. _

"_Bella, love, it's just a dream. I'm here, you're safe. Wake up." I placed her face in the palm of my hands as she squirmed around them. "Come on, beautiful. You're safe."_ _I felt her face twitch and I saw her soft, brown eyes flutter awake. _

"_Edward?" She whispered quietly in the dark, her voice still thick with sleep._

"_I'm here, sweetheart. Don't worry, I'm right here." I hushed her as she climbed onto my lap and hugged me so tight. I never wanted to let her go. _

"_Oh, Edward! It was terrible…" I heard her sob in my shirt, so quickly that if I wasn't a vampire, I wouldn't have caught it._

"_Bella? What were you dreaming about that was so terrible?" I asked her, not wanting to push her too far. I kissed away the tears the had fallen down her cheeks as she spoke to me._

"_James…" That was all she had to whisper before I crushed my lips to hers. It was ridiculous that she still thought that she had to worry about someone ever touching her again! That idea was utterly absurd._

"_Love, I will __**never**__ let anyone ever touch you again! Never. Do you understand me, Bella?" I told her passionately, holding her face in place. Her eyes met mine as she nodded her head and she told me she understood._

"_I Love You, so much." She whispered to me, her eyes burned with everything she had._

"_Bella…you beautiful, wonderful, amazing, silly girl; I Love You with all of my un-beating heart." I told her with a bright smile on my face. Her smile matched mine as she pressed her warm lips to mine._

**(A/N: End of Flashback. Just letting you know)**

"Edward?" Alice whispered to me as she placed a hand on my shoulder. "She's miserable, Edward! And you are too, don't try and deny that."

"You can't possibly know that!" my words were filled with venom, the frustration evident in between.

"Jasper's been absolutely heartbroken. He hasn't had a smile on his face since you left Forks… Plus, I've seen t-that vision. You know which one… I don't have to say it again or show it to you again." Alice reminded me of that horrible vision she had showed me of Bella. I never wanted to see that again. "Now, why in the world would Bella—dear, sweet, innocent—Bella! Why would she do that to us, to herself, to you?"

I sighed. I knew she was right in a way. Why in the world would the angel take her own life? Especially for me, it was an utterly absurd idea. I pictured the vision again, even though I tried my best to block it out.

The black pistol in the tiny pale hands… The way my angel spoke to me in the darkness of her small bedroom. I couldn't stand the pain that was truly evident in her voice.

"Edward… please! Talk to me." Alice begged and pleaded faintly.

"I have to think about this, Alice. If I go back, she'll be in danger again and I can't have that. I don't want that for her! But—But, Alice, I love her. More than anything in this world I love her. With all of my heart and… and my soul." I spoke softly, I wasn't sure if I caught it myself.

No one spoke for a long minute. The words I had said were still sinking in. I loved her with all of my heart and... my soul. I still didn't believe the fact that a soul existed in my body, but the fact that my heart felt this much love for one tiny person on this planet, it had to be accompanied by more...

"I know you love her. That, dear brother, no one can ever deny, but do you love her enough? Obviously not, if your this far away from her knowing that she could pull that trigger any second because _you _left. Edward, this isn't right." She told me looking far off into the trees. I couldn't deny her thoughts, thats what it looked like to her. I didn't love Bella enough to save her life from the pain I had caused.

Of course, I loved her enough to do that. But to the naked eye, I had left for my own selfish need. For my need to be _distracted_, as I had told Bella what seemed like years ago. For a matter of fact, it had only been about a day, and it burned this much already...

"You can be so happy with her, Edward." My sister spoke once more, her voice rang with true words. I could be happy, oh-- I could be beyond happy with the woman I had left behind, but it would be a selfish happiness, putting Bella at risk every second I was happy with life. I can't tell if it will be worth it or not...

Her eyes glazed over with a vision and she sent it straight to me...

**Bella was standing in front of a floor-length mirror in my bedroom. Her lips were a vibrant ruby red and there was a small bird-cage veil on top of her chestnut hair. The image in the mirror was stunning, I felt my jaw fall as I looked over the rest of her. Her hair was curled just the right way, it looked natural on her. **

**The dress was beyond magnificent, especially on her. The silvery-white bodice fit around her curves and covered them in delicate lace, as delicate as she was. My eyes roamed down further in the mirror and I saw how the lace faded into an opaque fabric which spread behind her. Then my eyes traveled away from the mirror.**

**The back of the dress was even gorgeous. It was filled with more intricate patterns of lace. It criss-crossed in the back, right along her spin, with a beige ribbon. It was truly beautiful.**

**I watched Bella as she turned her head away from the mirror and placed a look over her shoulder, my jaw dropped further from there, she was gorgeous. I watched as she winked and smiled half a smile.**

**"What are you looking at, Mr. Cullen?" She asked, a hint of sly-ness to her voice. She was unbearably attractive at the moment. I couldn't help my feet as I walked towards her. My face appeared in the mirror as I hugged her from behind.**

**"My wife. I'm staring at my beautiful wife, the love of my life. My wife." I smiled at her a kissed her blushed cheek.**

**"Edward?" She whispered in my ear, making my stone body shiver with pleasure. Yes, my wife, my human wife had made a vampire shiver. **

**"Yes, love?" She giggled when I called her that, the blush becoming more pronounced on ****her porcelain cheeks. **

**"You love calling me your wife, don't you?" I watched as she smirked, I already knew my answer.**

**"Mrs. Cullen, you have no idea!" I kissed her fully on the lips, dipping her down to the point where her hair tickled the floor. I brought her back up once she was out of breath and watched, mystified as she giggled and kissed me again...**

"Why don't you see the changes like I do, Edward? My god... You were so depressed before that girl came into your life. You never spoke to us unless you were forced to, I mean-- you would come home from school and sulk up to your room. I remember you slamming the door and just blasting your music to drown out everyone else. You were hiding fr--"

"I was not hiding, Alice." I growled at my sister, not even letting her finish her sentence.

"I wasn't done. As I was saying, you were hiding from being happy. You wanted to sulk and wallow in the despair of the 'monster' that you were. Well, wake up Edward!" She tapped my forehead with an elongated finger just to emphasize her point.

"Your not a monster! How can you be? You love this woman, who is beautiful and soft and fragile and innocent and everything a monster is not. You _love_ her with all of your heart and... even you said it... soul." She stopped her rant, she had proved a point and she knew it. But then her pride disappeared and all I saw was blind fear.

"Alice? What's wrong?" I looked at her, bringing her topaz eyes towards mine. She was worried, beyond worried and I needed to know why. She looked unsure of what she was about to say for a moment, but then she looked determined.

"I-I don't want to lose my brother, Edward. I don't want to l-lose my sister. The little sister I always wanted, and finally had in my grasp. I can't lose it now, not my best friend." Alice's body was shaking with the sobs that weren't existent. Her outburst had caught me off guard, I definitely wasn't expecting her to be hurt like this...

I have hurt everyone in this situation that I myself have caused. One, I caused my Bella to be hurt and in more pain that I would ever care to see her in. I have caused my parents great pain by losing a daughter-in-law. I caused my sister pain with the loss of her best-friend and her future sister. I caused Jasper pain well... because he can feel my emotions and Alice was right when she said I was miserable...

Nothing good was going to come out of this situation unless I went back to my angel...

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**Alright, I'm truly sorry guys. I know its taken me two weeks to get this out. Way too much going on in my life right now, things will get better soon! I'll hopefully be posting the next chapter very soon. OH! THERE IS A LINK TO BELLA'S WEDDING DRESS IN ALICE'S VISION ON MY PROFILE IF U WISH TO SEE IT.**

**I'll try and update soon. Please review, this took me like three days to write. I would appreciate two seconds of your time. Thank you!**


	14. AUTHOR'S NOTE: PLEASE READ!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: (PLEASE READ)**

** Alright guys, so sorry I haven't updated in like forever. A lot has been going on as of late and I haven't had much time to write. School has ended which means the stress is over for now, but I'm just letting all you guys know a couple of things.**

**Today is my Birthday so… you're probably not getting an update this weekend. sorry **

**Although school is out, things are going to get hectic around July so, updates will be more frequent then school, but not everyday**

**I LOVE! All of my fans. And I thank you guys so much for reading my story. It means a lot to me that someone appreciates my writing!**

**Sorry to whoever reviewed last chapter. I was not able to answer any of your reviews because I simply did not have enough time. So to all who reviewed: they made me sooo happy! You guys have no clue. Thank you soooo much!**

**I'm gonna stop this author's note before its longer than a chapter…. Okay. Thanks again for reading… until next update! **


	15. Feels Nice Doesn't It?

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 12

**Alright, I am back once more. School is over. (cheers!) so that means I will be able to update more often! Sorry it took me so long to update!! It'll get better, stick with me please. So yeah, now on with the chapter. I hope you enjoy it!**

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Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

_Previously..._

_"I-I don't want to lose my brother, Edward. I don't want to l-lose my sister. The little sister I always wanted, and finally had in my grasp. I can't lose it now, not my best friend." Alice's body was shaking with the sobs that weren't existent. Her outburst had caught me off guard, I definitely wasn't expecting her to be hurt like this..._

_I have hurt everyone in this situation that I myself have caused. One, I caused my Bella to be hurt and in more pain that I would ever care to see her in. I have caused my parents great pain by losing a daughter-in-law. I caused my sister pain with the loss of her best-friend and her future sister. I caused Jasper pain well... because he can feel my emotions and Alice was right when she said I was miserable..._

_Nothing good was going to come out of this situation unless I went back to my angel..._

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EPOV

"Shh... Alice. It's gonna be okay." I hugged my tiny sister to me as she continued to shake with quiet sobs. I watched under us as Jasper appeared from inside the thick branches of the sticky pine trees.

"_Edward, here... I'll take her._" Jasper told me in his thoughts, I could tell that he was angry by the sour tone he used. Holding Alice close to me still, I jumped high from the canopy of the tree and landed perfectly onto the ground below.

"Jasper, listen. I--" I started only to be interrupted by the man himself. His eyes watched me carefully as I handed his shivering wife to him. Jasper hugged Alice's small body to his chest like his life depended on it. I watched as he whispered in her ear to soothe her for the moment before his crisp black eyes turned back to me.

"_How dare you._" His thoughts were pure venom in my brain. "_First, you leave Bella. I thought that was bad enough, Edward. But no, you had to go and drag the whole family into this. We didn't ask for this... you did. So you should have left us out of it!"_

"Jasper, you don't understand!" I yelled desperate for him to understand, even in the slightest manner.

"Ha! I don't understand, Edward... really? You must be messed up in your head right now if you actually think that I don't understand. I can feel it... I can feel her. And you, my brother, have no clue." He snapped at me out loud, his voice was louder than I have ever heard it before. I watched as his wife tensed reflexively in his arms in a reaction to the sound.

"I thought it would be best..." I tried to justify my case. I spoke the truth though, I really did think it was best for the angel back home. She would be happier without me, without all the drama and pain that came as baggage in her relationship with a vampire.

Or... what used to be a relationship with a vampire. I doubt with all that I am that she would take me back after everything I did to her. "_This is way over my head"_ I told myself through my thoughts as I ran a shaken hand through the mess of bronze atop of my head.

"You thought it would be best? Well now that you've figured out that it isn't for the best, Edward, what are you going to do?" I felt like a two year old being scolded, thats how Jasper's words seemed. I hung my head in shame, feeling even worse then I had before.

"I don't know." I whispered so softly I almost didn't hear it myself, but I immediately regretted answering in that fashion.

"How do you not know, Edward?" Alice wept into Jasper's t-shirt. I could hear the anger that she meant to put behind it, but it was muffled by the dry sobs she spoke into Jasper's shirt.

"I'll deal with you in a second," Jasper said curtly to me as he carried his wife over to a rock just across from me. I watched carefully as he sat and positioned her on his lap so that her head rested perfectly on the crook of his neck.

I also watched as he rocked her back and forth slowly, hoping to calm her down. Without hearing exactly what he said, I watched as he whispered sweet nothings into her short, black hair. She clung to him like there was no tomorrow, like the world would end in a second if she even tried to let go.

I remember when Bella used to cling to me like that. It happened the first time I took her running. Her tiny arms created a choke hold around my neck where if I was human, all my breathing would have been cut off. But... right now, I would do _anything_ in the world to hold her like that again.

My thought process came to an abrupt end when I was overcome by an intense pain. My legs fell out from underneath me, I was no longer able to stand and soon enough, my knees found the mossy dirt below me.

I didn't know what was happening and it was that feeling that made me panic. I felt my chest burning, right where my heart was supposed to be. It felt like something was piercing a hole straight through my dead heart. I couldn't breathe right, my head was fogged. I did all that I could do in that moment... curl up, wrap my arms around my torso and hope to god that I survive.

"_Feels nice doesn't it, Edward?_" Jasper's thoughts entered my fogged mind and I knew exactly what Jasper was trying to do at that moment...

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**Alright guys, sorry its so short. But it's an important chapter. The next one will be even more important, but I'm not gonna promise the next time I'm gonna update cause its not going to happen, so I'll just say this. It will be soon, but it will be sooner if I get some nice reviews. I'm going away for the weekend, and if I get some nice reviews by Sunday, hopefully by Wednesday you'll have another chapter! Thanks for reading guys! **


	16. I Need You Tonight

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 13

**Yup that's right. I am back again (ha.ha) so this chapter is really important actually. At least it should be as far as my writing is up to par. So yeah... pay attention. On with the chapter. Enjoy faithful readers!**

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!

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_Previously..._

_My thought process came to an abrupt end when I was overcome by an intense pain. My legs fell out from underneath me, I was no longer able to stand and soon enough, my knees found the mossy dirt below me._

_I didn't know what was happening and it was that feeling that made me panic. I felt my chest burning, right where my heart was supposed to be. It felt like something was piercing a hole straight through my dead heart. I couldn't breathe right, my head was fogged. I did all that I could do in that moment... curl up, wrap my arms around my torso and hope to god that I survive. _

_"Feels nice doesn't it, Edward?" Jasper's thoughts entered my fogged mind and I knew exactly what Jasper was trying to do at that moment..._

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EPOV

"Jasper! What are you doing?" I growled at my brother as I clutched my pale fists to my chest in attempt to stop all of the pain. It was no use though... I knew it was no use. The pain wouldn't end until I was done being stupid.

"Don't be naive, Edward. You know exactly what I am doing!" He practically growled back. His eyes still fully focused on mine to make sure the pain didn't ease up.

"Where is this coming from?" I had an idea who it was from. What person was feeling these terrible things, but I just had to be sure.

"_Bella._" His thoughts entered my fogged mind. Of course it was her, why wouldn't it be. He was trying to show me just how terrible she was feeling.

"You're exaggerating!" I howled at the pain. Hoping it would stop. She was definitely not in this much pain. A person could not live like this. A _human_ could not live like this. The hole was still growing wildly in my chest, it felt as if it was going to break through at any moment.

"Exaggerating? You honestly think that I am exaggerating?" He asked me know his tone unbearably serious. His eyes grew softer as the pain slowly subsided. Jasper looked hurt by the words I had yelled at him. Somehow though, I knew he wasn't exaggerating and I knew what it was time for me to do.

"I can't exaggerate on something like this. This is something straight out of a movie. That is exactly how she feels, Edward. Do you know how many times my little Alice had to suffer with visions of Bella... Your Bella, in an almost zombie state. She can't sleep, Edward. And when she does, all that happens are nightmares that haunt her. I could make you feel her nightmares...

But I don't want to do that to you. It hurts. Imagine how I feel going through her pain like this. Imagine what its like to actually feel it like you just did... only twenty-four hours a day." His open rant was over. "_You wouldn't be able to survive either..._" Jasper's mind added.

I knew he saw me visually wince at that statement. No... I couldn't live like that everyday, feeling the intense pain of a hole ripping its way through your chest. It was quite unbearable. But that was Jasper's plan. He wanted me to hurt. He wanted me to be in pain so that I would be able to see just why Bella needs me so much.

"I want to go back." I said, my words came out firmly and I meant it. "I need to go back."

Jasper seemed surprised by my words. He didn't think that I would have caved in so fast. His usually golden eyes still burned with black around the rims. He was angry, but I could tell it was fading the more I spoke.

"I miss her... I need her..." I left that statement hanging in the air because I knew there was more that I needed to add, but I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"But..." Jasper trailed off as well, sensing the fact that my statement wasn't done before and he was more than right. I sighed a moment before I decided it was time to talk to him. Motioning for him to come over so we could talk, I watched as he soothed his wife for a moment.

"Alice... sweetheart, I need to speak with our dear brother for a moment. I promise you. I will be right back. Alright Hun? Shh everything will be okay." He soothed her, smoothing her hair as he caressed her cheeks with his cold fingers. I watched as she nodded and he sat her down on the rock they had been clutching to each other only moments ago.

"What, Edward?" He asked me in a hushed tone, hoping that his wife wouldn't hear our exchange.

"I'm scared, Jasper. I don't want to hurt her anymore. What would you do if it was you? How would you feel if your Alice was being hurt because of the relationship she is in with you? How would you feel leaving her, the love of your life? An even better question, how would you feel going back to her?" I ranted to him, on the verge of an emotional break-down. The human in me made itself even more prominent thanks to being around my Bella so much...

But now since I wasn't around her as often, I felt those human emotions fading into what they were for the longest time. I heard Jasper huff beside me, mulling over what I had just said to him. I had a feeling I had "hit below the belt" with the comment that included Alice. But I needed him to understand exactly what I was going through at that exact moment.

"I would go to her because I know that she would need me no matter how much I had hurt her, or how much danger she was in. I know that I love her more than life itself and I would hope that she would feel the exact same way. I wouldn't be able to live without my Alice. I don't know how your living without Bella..." He trailed off, marching off back to his wife, picking her up and setting her on his lap again.

Without word, she rested her head at the crook of his neck and above his shoulders. It allowed her to breathe in the calming scent of her husband, and I wanted now... more than ever to go back to my Bella.

"You're right, Jasper. I'm not living, not at all... I need her like a bad habit. It's crazy actually. I'm going back... now. I can't stand being away from her any longer. Thank you Jasper. Thank you Alice. I'm sorry I hurt you..." And with that I ran...

The wind blowing past my face, tussling the already messy bronze hair, but I didn't care. All I could think about in the three hours I ran back to the small town of Forks, was that my Bella was waiting for me. Her being battered and bruised only for the pain that I had caused her...

"_Don't worry my sweet Isabella... You'll be in my arms in a matter of no time._"

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Song of the Chapter...

I Need You Tonight – The Backstreet Boys.

Why? The lyrics, it represents that pure emotion that Edward is feeling for Bella, being away from her for so long. (look it up on youtube, if you haven't heard it before its a very good song.)

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**Sorry it took so long. I'll get the next chapter up as soon as possible. Thank you so much for the reviews from last chapter. (if I could get ten more that would be great) Thanks for reading guys, I'll be back soon. ( and i added that song of the chapter section, if you like it, tell me i'll keep adding it to the chapters.)**


	17. AUTHOR'S NOTE II: PLEASE READ!

**Authors Note: **

**Alright guys, I am so sorry I know its been almost a month but I have been going through**

**some personal things, along with the fact that I have had a terrible case of writer's block. I want**

**to continue the story, but do you guys want me to continue? **

**Feel free to express your opinion on this note or on the next chapter, on whether you want**

**  
me to continue or not. If not... I have a few ideas for a couple of one-shots and if I get a good**

**response from those, maybe I'll continue them.**

**Anyway, Sorry guys... I will update soon. Express your opinion and either way I'll talk to**

**you soon. Sorry I know I hate author's note to.**

**Thanks for reading, stick with me please... **


	18. Swirling Shades Of Blue

Lullaby in the Dark

Chapter 14

_**Swirling Shades of Blue.**_

**Alright everyone, I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. To the people who reviewed on my author's note, I thank you very much. Your kind reviews have helped me want to continue with writing. I honestly have no idea how far this will go... We just have to see what happens.. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer, the god that she is, owns everything!**_Previously..._

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_"You're right, Jasper. I'm not living, not at all... I need her like a bad habit. It's crazy actually. I'm going back... now. I can't stand being away from her any longer. Thank you Jasper. Thank you Alice. I'm sorry I hurt you..." And with that I ran..._

_The wind blowing past my face, tussling the already messy bronze hair, but I didn't care. All I could think about in the three hours I ran back to the small town of Forks, was that my Bella was waiting for me. Her being battered and bruised only for the pain that I had caused her..._

_"Don't worry my sweet Isabella... You'll be in my arms in a matter of no time." _

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EPOV

I don't know how long I ran... It could have been days since I left, or it could have been hours. My thoughts had consumed me for so long that the concept of time had ceased to exist...

I had just passed the sign welcoming me back into the dreary town called Forks. Although dreary, it held something precious to me. As precious as the biggest diamond. The most precious angel that heaven had ever sent its eyes on.

Hence, the rain of Forks, Washington never really rained on me, as long as my sunshine was around. But today... today was ironic, it was pouring. And I felt the rain. My hair was matted, pressed down sloppily onto my forehead.

The shirt I wore was clinging to my skin, not that I could feel the cold that the drops produced, but I felt enough...

My phone buzzed violently in my pocket. I looked at the display that had lit up blue, the time read "2:39 am," and the name underneath signaled that it was Alice.

"Alice?" I asked semi-whispering, even though there was no need to, I was along on the small roadway into town.

"Edward! It's Bella!" She screeched violently. My heart sunk into my stomach. Bella... She was hurt, because of me. She was hurt... _Oh god! Edward. What have you done?_

My thoughts swirled violently. My left hand gripped the side of the welcome sign in hopes of support since my knees threatened to buckle under me.

"Oh god, Alice. She's hurt isn't she? What have I done? Oh god, help me!" I babbled endlessly, my mind frantic, my breathing just as erratic. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't been so stupid... If I had just stayed where I was. My Bella wouldn't be hurt... she would be fine and everything would be okay and I--"

"Edward! Shut up!" Alice snapped at me. My mouth snapped shut. My breathing slowed. I tried to calm myself from the panic. "Edward... Bella will be fine if you start running right now."

I felt my feet being to move before Alice even finished her sentence. "Alice? What's going on?"

"It's Bella. I just had a vision. Shes falling and she gets hurt really bad, Edward." Alice told me, she seemed to still be concentrating on the vision about Bella.

"Where is she falling from? How is she falling, Alice?" I asked, suddenly incredibly curious. My feet never slowed.

"Shes on her roof. I don't know why, but from what I can tell she climbed out her window. I think she blacked out, I'm not sure... Just go and watch her, Edward. She should be fine... You just can't let her hit that ground." She explained, sounding even more confident about what she was telling me.

"Thanks. I'll be watching." I snapped the phone shut before she had time to answer. By the time the slim, sliver phone was back in my pocket, I was already in front of Charlie's house.

Everything seemed to be normal as I surveyed the area around the small house. No strange scents surfaced since I had left my Bella. Though one scent in particular caught my attention. The smell of sweet fressia and her strawberry shampoo flooded my nostrils sending a shiver down my cold spine.

I sat for a moment at the base of the tree that led to Bella's tiny bedroom window, breathing in the scent that I had grown accustomed to in the time we had spent together and missed desperately when we were apart. The other thing I had missed dearly when I so crudely left her, was her heartbeat.

The constant and unpredictable drumming of her heart had become the music to my ears. But now, even though the beating was still present, it was somehow different. The sound coming from Bella's room was erratic, yet dull at the same time. Like something was missing... that would be me.

Without any further distraction, I climbed the tree that led to her room like it was a small step and stepped carefully onto the roof of Charlie's porch. And that is the first time I heard _her_ voice...

"Edward... Why are you doing this to me?" I heard her whimper quietly in the dark not knowing that I was standing outside of her window.

"_I'm doing this because I love you, Bella. I am doing this because you need to be safe." _I spoke to myself though. She could not hear me through the pane of the window.

"I don't want them to fade... I just want you to come back to me..." She whispered again to herself. What didn't she want to fade? Oh... I remembered the words I had said to her "_Human memories fade."_ My exact words burned this time in my throat.

She didn't say anything else. I heard the rustling of her feet against her hard wood floor and the remnants of the sobbing she had done before I had reached the window. Her tiny feet pattered across the floor until I heard her bed creak under her weight as she sank herself onto it.

"_What am I going to do with you, Isabella?"_ I thought to myself as I heard her comforter ruffle and her body sink into the mattress... It was going to be a long night...

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Song of the Chapter...

There for You – Flyleaf

basically because the title says it all... the lyrics are a little off, but it mostly represents what Edward is feeling at the moment.

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**Alright, I know... I know its been way to long. And this chapter sucks so I am very sorry. I'm doing my best. Breaking Dawn came out, and I'm on the fence with it. So that delayed the posting process slightly. I'll try and be better. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Until next time.**


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